Blessings from above...

First and foremost thank you Jesus! Our God is such a big God and I'm so thankful for his blessings in my life. As I have written in the past couple of post I have been at my very lowest point in my life for the last 6 months. Then, my precious child would run over and give me a huge hug, kiss, or say how much he loves me and I was brought back into the realm of things. I am beyond blessed to say God's not finished with me, and God knows I need to be here for my husband and son. Last Wednesday we had my surgery for my cone biopsy, which is where they remove a part of my cervix to see if the cancer cells are just on the outside tissue or if they have entered in my cervix. I was terrified leading up to the surgery and honestly didn't know how I was going to go through with it. I had a ton of people from all over praying for me and I promise you I felt every one last Wednesday morning and that's the only way I got through it. In the waiting room I told dad I really want to walk back out that door and I said but I can't cause the alternative is worse then the surgery. Steven was able to stay with me for my nerves during all the prep work. My blood pressure was a little high but given the stress of the last 6 months I'm praying it's about to get a lot lower! Mom and dad were able to come and sit with me for about 5 minutes before they took me back at 7:30. Every one if my nurses and doctors were amazing and so nice to me. I woke up around 9:30 and was released around 10. The pain I was in from Wednesday-Sunday was honestly worse then after my csection. Steven was able to be off on vacation days and help me and my mom and Katie have gone out of their way to help. By the way, a HUGE shout out to aunt Katie for keeping Hudson during my surgery and waking up at 4 to come be with him! Dr. Lacour told steven, mom, and dad that she actually had to take a smaller amount then she thought and everything went as planned. I was so positive after hearing the wonderful news. In the back of my mind I kept thinking the first biopsy was cin 2 then the leep was cin3 cis (stage 0 cervical cancer) only 2 months apart. I was terrified that if it had continued to progress where was my body at now? I had continually received bad news and was bracing myself for the worst. I called today since they said they would know Monday or Tuesday and they didn't have the results. I really prayed steven would be with me when I found out cause he is my rock that holds his fears in unlike me. Around 4:30 we were at SAU at the farm road seeing the animals before the storm and the nurse called and said pathology had just sent my report and what she took out was only cin 2 and my margins were clear, meaning it had not entered my cervix, and then the abnormal cells/tumors were also benign!!!!!!!!!!! Praise The Lord absolutely no cancer!!!! I rejoice in The Lord because there is no medical reasoning for this to happen, it is the work of my Lord and Savior!! The power of prayer is an amazing thing. I have been a Christian for 24 years this past Friday, and I have believed and seen many miracles I my life. I believe all Christians are allowed to hit the rock bottom I was at because it's were we find our faith, our relationship, and joy in the Father. We will be married 5 years this Friday and I'm 99% sure we are closer now to The Lord is closer then it's ever been. I ask you if you do not know The Lord please message me or any of your friends because this is the relationship and the joy you need in your life.  Don't get me wrong you will have sadness and experience the human acts of this world but you will have a Big, Big God that will never leave or forsake you! Thank you Jesus for loving me and thank you for allowing me to experience the rest of my earthly life with my boys! This is the journey and the chapter I will forever remember but rejoice in the truth.
Hold your love ones close and love them life there is no tomorrow, for tomorrow is never guaranteed. Make sure you love, forgive, forget, and pray like Jesus.
Goodnight and God bless you all.. I will forever be grateful for your role in the power of prayer.
Ashley

The dreaded week...

It's Monday, it's surgery week... blah.  Maybe I'm overly nervous since it's my first time to be put to sleep, or what the results are going to be, or what I'm going to say in recovery.. lol.. I'm trying to have some humor with the process. It seemed like it was forever away with the oncologist appointment, but I'm so thankful I waited to schedule it for now, since life has been completely crazy since that day. Tomorrow, I'm on a liquid diet before the surgery then nothing after midnight. The Dr. does surgeries from 5:30-9:30am, and they haven't done my pre-op since it was so far in advance. Therefore, we will find out by 2:00pm tomorrow what time to be there and when my surgery is scheduled for. They said if everything goes as planned I should be released by noon Wednesday. I'm pretty sure I will be more than ready to be home. Steven is taking off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to help me since they said I will be in bed for 3-4 days afterwards. I cannot lift more than a gallon of milk for 3 weeks which is going to be super difficult to explain to a 2 year old that loves his mama holding him. I'm pretty sure I'm going to con him for the next 36 hours to have to cuddle and sit with me. I will go back for my post-op appointment and to discuss what the treatment options and further appointments will be like on April 14th.  Regardless, I will see the oncologist for 5 years for checkups, alternating with my gynecologist in Texarkana. Please, please be in prayer for my nerves and the dr.'s steady hand. Please pray that being put to sleep and waking up will go smoothly, and that I won't get sick on the way home. Also, be in prayer that they find normal cells that can populate and take over, and that the cancer cells have not broken through the cervix or moved to any other organs.  I know God has a plan and this is part of the big picture of our life.

Some people have asked how we found this, my treatment, and my dr.'s. I am always open to talk about the procedures and process we have been going through since September. I'm hoping to update and share all of my journey along the way.

Yesterday and today, I have been angry. I have asked why me a lot? I know there are always days like this during the tribulation. I just want to cry, but thankful Hudson keeps me busy and trying not to think about it. I'm so blessed, scared, anxious, and tired of worrying... and ready for this chapter to be complete, hopefully.

I'm hoping to start putting up the meals and recipes, since I have had positive response on the meals I have been posting to instagram and facebook. Eventually, I hope to have only a dinner blog and not have to blog about the yucky stuff.

Please remember to pray Wednesday morning for safe travels and the procedure, I will try to blog later in the week... and remember to always put the Lord first, even when we don't understand his plan.

Love always,
-Ashley

trying this again...

Well, I can't believe it's been a year and half almost since I have blogged. It seems I never have time for anything now that I'm a stay at home mom. So we're going to try this again. I really want to share adventures and more than instagram life, but will see what happens.  I'm on a current journey that I never dreamed I would be on. I know God has a purpose and a plan for all our trials and tribulations, it's hard to see it when you are going through them.  In September I went for my yearly pap which was very normal for me to be very prompt on. My Dr. is amazing and it's extremely hard to get into her, so I almost just went to a NP, or family dr here in Magnolia. Thank you Lord for opening the appointment and allowing me to see my gyno though.  The nurse called a couple of days later and said it was abnormal and they would need to do a biopsy of the abnormal cells to make sure I didn't need further procedures.  My Dr. and the nurses were confident it was nothing so scheduled me for the biopsy in November. I had it done in November, which many didn't know but I had one in December 2006 with another Dr. and it was a bad experience so I was really scared.  I didn't have any problems this time, and everything went as planned.  The results were not what we hoped and came back a level 2 which means it had progressed since the pap in September. My Dr. called me and said she wanted me to have a more in depth biopsy to take it out so that I wouldn't have anymore problems and scheduled it for the week of Thanksgiving 2013. In the 2 weeks, Hudson had strep for the first time, then I had strep the week of thanksgiving so we couldn't do the procedure.  With the holidays we had to reschedule for January 8, 2014. I was a little scared we were waiting so long but knew it's all we could do. I had the procedure in the dr.'s office and it was the longest 10 minutes of my life.  My Dr. said she hoped she got it all, and went beyond want she needed in hope to find normal cells that would populate. When we got the results a week later, the news was "Not good".  It had progressed to CIN 3 CIS, or Stage 0 cervical cancer.  Normal cells were not found even as far as she went. The news was heartbreaking and discouraging as we were hoping to start trying for baby number 2 by now.  She referred me to a gynecologist oncologist in Shreveport, LA and of course that took forever with the insurance procedures these days. I finally got an appointment for February 17th. We met with the Dr. and she went over all my results. She explained the pros and cons of the process. She explained I needed a cone biopsy which is outpatient surgery to see how much of the cervix needs to be removed and how deep in the tissue it goes. We are hoping it's just on the top layer and I will be "Cured" after this procedure. She explained if it is beyond the top layer I will have to have radiation and have a hysterectomy. If it is on the top layer we can "try" for another child eventually, but I will have a 20% chance of not being able to ever carry a child full term with the procedures of my cervix. All in all, it wasn't pleasant news. We scheduled the cone biopsy to be on March 26th. I'm nervous and just want it over with, but have had our world's crazy busy since we left that day.  Going to a cancer center was definitely not something you can ever prepare yourself for and still gives me anxiety thinking about it.  Two days later on the 19th, I lost my Granddaddy. I had lost my Da in February of 2011, and now Granddaddy exactly 2 years later. It was completely heartbreaking, and so fast. I have videos of Hudson and him playing at Christmas and I will cherish them forever. So thankful for that time with him. Well, that is enough for tonight... but a summary of the issues I'm going through. I keep a journal but I think if I can tell my story, what our thoughts, views, and what we are going through I can hopefully look back at this trial and realize the blessings that will come from it. Please be prayerful..and love each other more than you did yesterday. goodnight!

what a difference a year makes..

What a difference a year makes.. I happened to run across my blog and actually remembered the password, shocking to me. I was reading my post about Hudson getting so big in my belly this time last year, but actually it was nothing like he is now.  We weighed the little man Saturday and he's 22.7 lbs. and is 9 months and 3 weeks old.  I can't believe how fast time is literally flying by with him.  He's amazing and is quite the talker, I wonder where he gets that from?  He loves Sophie, and Sophie loves him except when he pulls her hair which is quite often.  I'm staying home full time which is something I thought I would never like to do, but it's definitely growing on me.  I'm finishing my bachelor's degree through UALR in Human Resources online and hopefully will graduate soon, so that I can go back to work with a real job somewhere.  Prayers for a wonderful job to be there when the time comes.   Hudson amazes me everyday! We are running in the walker and getting into everything.  He loves to say DaDa, Mama, and Bye bye and wave and clap.  He hasn't been the best sleeper lately since we are working on number 7 and 8 teeth. Prayers needed for mommy and daddy especially.  Well, we are very blessed and I will try to update more.  I keep a journal so this is the random thoughts, that are typed faster and public.  I don't have much time for anything with Hudson, School, Steven, Sophie, and trying to breathe and be the best I can be everyday. Well, goodnight and I will visit again very soon. Happy Labor Day!

Lately...

Well, I'm currently working Monday-Friday 8-12, which doesn't seem like a lot but when Hudson is as big as he is he's a lot to do anything.  Steven's been working a lot more and seems to get called out all the time. I wish we had more time together since we only have about 7-8 more weeks of just us forever.  We went to Little Rock today for my grandpa's birthday and all the September and October birthdays.  It was fun to get to see everyone and it was at my cousin John & Samantha's new house which was really pretty.  We were home an hour and Steven got called out, and he's been gone about 5 hours now.  Hoping he comes home very soon.

The nursery is almost finished.  We got the chair and ottoman in yesterday, and picked up the changing table when we were in little rock today.  We have to paint the changing table black and then get a pad made for it.  Also, the bedding will hopefully be in by the first week in October.  I can't wait to see it all together and will have to post pics.  

Well, I think i'm going to attempt to sleep, but hope to make more time to blog.

goodnight!

The beginning....

Well, it's really past Hudson and my bedtime but Steven was called out to work.. so hopefully he will be home soon so I can finally go to sleep.  We have been crazy busy getting ready for the arrival of our first baby which is a boy, Hudson Michael.  We couldn't be more excited! I was a little worried at first that we wouldn't be able to find cute outfits and stuff for a little boy, but boy have I been shopping lol.  Hopefully, he will be able to wear everything he has received so far.  He should be here in November so just in time for hunting season :) .  I'm actually due on my mom's birthday which is pretty crazy! We go wednesday to see our little man again, and I'm so excited cause we haven't seen him in almost 10 weeks!  He's definitely getting big cause I'm definitely growing.  I just can't believe in 10 weeks or less he will be here.  It's amazing feeling him inside of me, but I can't wait for him to be here for us to love on but we are perfectly find with him staying in there as long as needed for him to be healthy.

I went part-time as of Tuesday and working only on Tuesday and Thursday's half a day, but will be selling Willow House and Sara Bland Jewelry the new line! I'm too excited and can't wait to start doing parties. 

This year has been a year of blessings from Steven getting hired on at Abermarle, then finding out we are pregnant, then buying our first house which was the scariest thing ever, then finding out we are having a boy and now me getting to actually work part time to be with Hudson. 

Sophie, our yorkie-poo pug mix baby, is definitely in for a rude awakening with the little baby coming since she is our baby.  She sleeps in between us at night and such a little cuddler so we are just praying that she likes her baby brother. 

Well, I'm going to close for now, and hope and pray Steven is safe and home soon so we can get some sleep time.  I will update as much as possible :)