trying this again...

Well, I can't believe it's been a year and half almost since I have blogged. It seems I never have time for anything now that I'm a stay at home mom. So we're going to try this again. I really want to share adventures and more than instagram life, but will see what happens.  I'm on a current journey that I never dreamed I would be on. I know God has a purpose and a plan for all our trials and tribulations, it's hard to see it when you are going through them.  In September I went for my yearly pap which was very normal for me to be very prompt on. My Dr. is amazing and it's extremely hard to get into her, so I almost just went to a NP, or family dr here in Magnolia. Thank you Lord for opening the appointment and allowing me to see my gyno though.  The nurse called a couple of days later and said it was abnormal and they would need to do a biopsy of the abnormal cells to make sure I didn't need further procedures.  My Dr. and the nurses were confident it was nothing so scheduled me for the biopsy in November. I had it done in November, which many didn't know but I had one in December 2006 with another Dr. and it was a bad experience so I was really scared.  I didn't have any problems this time, and everything went as planned.  The results were not what we hoped and came back a level 2 which means it had progressed since the pap in September. My Dr. called me and said she wanted me to have a more in depth biopsy to take it out so that I wouldn't have anymore problems and scheduled it for the week of Thanksgiving 2013. In the 2 weeks, Hudson had strep for the first time, then I had strep the week of thanksgiving so we couldn't do the procedure.  With the holidays we had to reschedule for January 8, 2014. I was a little scared we were waiting so long but knew it's all we could do. I had the procedure in the dr.'s office and it was the longest 10 minutes of my life.  My Dr. said she hoped she got it all, and went beyond want she needed in hope to find normal cells that would populate. When we got the results a week later, the news was "Not good".  It had progressed to CIN 3 CIS, or Stage 0 cervical cancer.  Normal cells were not found even as far as she went. The news was heartbreaking and discouraging as we were hoping to start trying for baby number 2 by now.  She referred me to a gynecologist oncologist in Shreveport, LA and of course that took forever with the insurance procedures these days. I finally got an appointment for February 17th. We met with the Dr. and she went over all my results. She explained the pros and cons of the process. She explained I needed a cone biopsy which is outpatient surgery to see how much of the cervix needs to be removed and how deep in the tissue it goes. We are hoping it's just on the top layer and I will be "Cured" after this procedure. She explained if it is beyond the top layer I will have to have radiation and have a hysterectomy. If it is on the top layer we can "try" for another child eventually, but I will have a 20% chance of not being able to ever carry a child full term with the procedures of my cervix. All in all, it wasn't pleasant news. We scheduled the cone biopsy to be on March 26th. I'm nervous and just want it over with, but have had our world's crazy busy since we left that day.  Going to a cancer center was definitely not something you can ever prepare yourself for and still gives me anxiety thinking about it.  Two days later on the 19th, I lost my Granddaddy. I had lost my Da in February of 2011, and now Granddaddy exactly 2 years later. It was completely heartbreaking, and so fast. I have videos of Hudson and him playing at Christmas and I will cherish them forever. So thankful for that time with him. Well, that is enough for tonight... but a summary of the issues I'm going through. I keep a journal but I think if I can tell my story, what our thoughts, views, and what we are going through I can hopefully look back at this trial and realize the blessings that will come from it. Please be prayerful..and love each other more than you did yesterday. goodnight!